The Vessa Project

I started this blogspot to journal out the thoughts, emotions, and calls from my career. In hopes that someone else can relate. I’m sure in some form or fashion someone could find entertainment in these as well. None the less, they are like my life and job… rather disorderly, random, and chaotic.  What other way is there to live? In my “I visited a classmate post today” I had a clear train of thought, as I immediately opened up the page and started typing. The emotions were raw and in the moment. The thoughts flowing as quickly as a fire hydrant, and THEN…  The fire hydrant was opened, completely, all 3 caps removed… one call, then two, then three, then four… it didn’t stop there either.  For a small town community with a population of less than 10,000 and minimal attractions, the call volume is rather low but then, there are the days. The days where we lose one of our two trucks to another call, a transfer, a structure fire… This. Was. One. Of. THOSE. Days. We hadn’t bee...

During your initial education, throughout clinicals, and for the remainder of your career… you’re never educated on exactly how to handle the calls that are close to home. There are times where I care too much and then there are others where I feel that I don’t care enough. Part of the job is seperating your emotion from your job in order to do your job adequately and at times, even robotically. “You can lose your shit when you get back to the station” “Handle the call and lose your shit later…” is the advice I’ve been given so far.  I’d like to say I haven’t had many calls that have affected me in traumatic ways, or maybe they’re in there somewhere but haven’t bubbled to the surface yet. Truthfully, the worse the call, the better the story. Not saying I want bad things to happen to people but I’m here for when they do. I’m not here to tell the bad stories, but to see some of the things that were allowed to see amazes me. I’ll stop there before I freak the weak hearts out, but if y...

Two post in one day? No. One is just old. For this one to make sense you should probably read the first one though. I'm back, to the bedroom awaiting the next time the tones drop, if they do at all for the remainder of the shift.  Today was going to be the day and then, out of an unknown emotion I chose to wait. Wait one more day before I finally set myself free. Free from the burden of care, free from the burden of truly understanding. I have put it off for far too long and I've finally put in the work and figured out where to go from here. The answer is, I truly don't know yet. My life is going to be a little bit of back and forth for a while, sort of like the trade off between parents after a divorce. The mixes of emotions, the fear, feelings of being homesick. That's all the things I'm choosing to look forward to. I am choosing to brush it off as an outgrowth of one place but in reality it is the most toxic breakup (as far as workplace) that I think I may ever e...

In every workplace you have “the people”. The people who show up, clock in, work, and go home. Society calls them the “employees”. These employee’s roles vary from place to place but in some places… the people matter more. Some jobs require good people with good work ethic. Some places require people with physical strength. Some places require people with good customer service and communication skills… and then there is EMS. Emergency Medical Services or EMS for short, is a job that requires all of the above and then some. It requires skills and knowledge, oh and don’t forget the traits…. The ones where you can handle the sight, touch, feel, and sounds of things like let's say… the sick and injured or death and dying, other times you come in contact with just sheer stupidity, laziness, entitlement. But let’s get back to the basic traits…  The ability to disconnect from emotions and work in some sense of compassionate robotic fashion. Becoming a real life, wrapped in flesh, type of ...

Life will allow you to sit down and float through if that's what you choose to do. Your morals and values are what determine your moves.  The Vessa Project was created out of genuine concern for people like me. The ones that "care too much" and "talk too loud". The ones who really want to leave the world a better place than they found it. The ones who show up to their job and treat it as a priority versus a paycheck. The ones who have struggled to make it this far in life and have found themselves in survival mode for the better part, or majority, of it.  So here's the question: How could something that you once so badly wanted... turn into the biggest tragedy in your life? This question can apply to so many things and really, all aspects of life. Marriage and Divorce. Pregnancy and Miscarriage. Love and Hate. Career and Work. I am a perception based person and always working towards evolution in my mindset and viewpoints. I try to be the optimist and see th...

The Table. Where the broken go to sit. They pour out their souls there. They laugh there. They cry there. They laugh until they cry there. They break there. They become whole there. The secrets that this object hold are a broad range of subjects. From relationships, to coworkers, to calls, to trauma, to healing, and beyond. The table knows everything. The accomplishments, the failures, the breakdowns, the build ups. Usually decorated with 4-6 chairs that don't match, kind of like the people that claim space around The Table. The table, made of metal legs with an OSB/Formica top, edges peeled revealing the pressed wood underneath. With scrapes and scars of days gone past, the occasional pen mark or piece of tape stuck to it out of boredom. The random holes that aren't clearly of any use, maybe the result of someone bored with a drill, or other tool. The Table is covered in random objects that must be heavy to survive the bay winds.  Pieces and parts of projects, a tablet, a towe...